performing at Women of the Worlds Poetry Slam 2011


48 hours before I met you

I burned my foot; turned

my toes purple and swore

off boiling water.

You told me it was the best excuse

for getting out of a blind date you’d ever heard.

Welcome to my life, I said.

I’m full of accidents.

But you were

some kind of Houdini; erased

my scars with an easy kiss.  Fixed

my crooked spine with a slight of hand.

At night, you wrapped your arms

around me like iron chains; turned

my waist into an anchor.

3 months later you disappeared.

I know the word promise

is an illusion; but

promise love and you will fill

whole auditoriums with lonely.

You can still look for me

in the front row wearing sequins.

Every time you come back

into town with your secrets

and your handcuffs

you make me believe in magic again.  Harry,

I’ll let you throw daggers at my heart.  Just once —

prove we were real.


100 Reasons Why I Hate Facebook

#1-88: I found out you had a girlfriend even though your relationship status still says “single.”

#89: The bitch tried to friend me.

#90: “Defriending” someone is the equivalent of a middle school temper-tantrum so he and I remain “friends”

#91: “Poking” someone on Facebook is creepy.

#92: People whose profile picture is of their dog or their child, and they updated daily.

#93: I still have access to the photos him and his girlfriend and I cannot help myself which makes me hate Facebook even more.

#94: I cannot tell the difference between a group page and a fan page. My real friends explain this to me; I still don’t get it. Facebook is lowering my IQ.

#95: I work at a computer for 9 hours a day. I go home and check Facebook statuses for another 2.  I post answers to stupid quizzes. My inbox fills with other people’s comment that I don’t even know.

#96: I lied. It’s more like 4 hours, which is why I never go out with my real friends UNLESS I get their event requests.

#97: People who send event requests and reminders to ALL of their friends, even though I don’t live in Chicago or Texas or Madrid. Even I know you can create a local list. Dear all 678 of my closest friends, create a local list.

#98: Why don’t I have more than 678 friends?

#99: My ex has 778. Please friend me.

#100 Facebook was as created by socially inept Harvard geeks who couldn’t connect with people.  I am a poet — I used to do that all the time.

Posted April 16, 2011 by Natalie E. Illum

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